With the advent of Breaking Dawn: Part 1, however, we felt compelled to break our Twi-silence. No, this is not a recap. (We liked it a lot, in case you were wondering, but it was not without the lulz.) This is more of an homage to something the movie did right. There was a lot of humor in this one, and for once it was intentional. We both especially loved a small bit where they poked fun at Bella's choice for a baby name. In honor of that, I give you a conversation that should have happened about the worst name ever chosen in literary history.
|"I knew I should've played for future-baby-naming rights!"|
Edward Cullen Discusses the Name Renesmee with His New Vampire Wife, Bella
Listen, Bella, honey, we need to talk about the baby.
No, not Renesmee, that's what we we need to talk about... No, no, no! There's no other baby, I just meant.. Okay, this isn't going how I'd planned.
Here's the thing - See, we all thought you were going to die, right? I mean, honestly, no one expected you to make it. So when you suggested Renesmee, well, we just didn't see the point in disagreeing with you. Why upset you more? You were already so pale and thin and lifeless. But then it was obvious you were going to make it through and we realized we couldn't say "Renesmee" without snickering.
Look, sweetheart, we're not making fun of you, really. You were in a lot of pain, and with all the hormones and everything you weren't thinking clearly. It's just a bad name. Even Esme hates it, and she likes everything.
Don't huff like that. Admit it, it wasn't your most thought-out decision. I can see it on your face.
Anyway, we were going to wait for you to come up with a new name, but with the way she's growing we really weren't comfortable with that. She heard us mention Renesmee and sent me the image of her puking on Rosalie, so I knew we had to do something. No, I swear I am not making that up. Next time you pick her up try it, you'll see.
The bottom line is that we've decided to name her Norah. I thought you might like it because it has the same old-world feeling as Esme and Renee. It seemed important to pick a name that none of us have "associations" with, if you know what I mean. Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Not using the name of someone we've eaten, turned, or dated pretty much ruled out all the traditional names. Okay, so not 'dated' in my case. But I couldn't name our daughter after someone I'd had an impure thought about, could I? And we couldn't use anyone that Rose remembered as being a, and this is her term, not mine, 'skank' from any of our past high schools. And then there was Jasper. We made it halfway through the list on BabyNames.com without finding one he hadn't... well, you know... so we decided to ignore his history.
Plus, you had that one Norah Jones CD in your box so I figured you wouldn't hate it.
Bella, You have to believe me, we all spent hours pouring over this.
All of us except for Jacob, that is. He's come up with his own nickname for her.
I'm pretty sure it's the Quileute word for "I swear I'm not a pedophile."